Unconditional Love
We should always love others with unconditional love.
Right or w
rong?
What do you think?
Should I swallow any junk from any person all in the name of of unconditional love? Isn’t it a form of weakness?
What do you think?
Isn’t it a form of subtle manipulation to expect me to show unconditional love to a cheating wife…an abusive husband…an unruly child…an inconsiderate boss…an irritating colleague…a class bully…an uncaring and selfish spouse?
What happens to my right to happiness if I must show unconditional love to others in s
pite of how they treat me?
I think that a whole lot of rubbish and abuses are condoned in human interactions all in the name of unconditional love.
What do you think?
Tags: Unconditional-love
Marriage, Relationships, Self Discovery | WD Favour | 
October 9, 2008 10:18 pm
15 Comments
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By Jenny Mannion, October 9, 2008 @ 11:25 pm
Hi, I am going to have to politely disagree. There is a difference between unconditional love and setting boundaries. My favorite Deepak Chopra quote is “You must realize everyone is doing the best they can from THEIR OWN state of consciousness”. Does that mean you have to agree with everything the person does or let them walk all over you and destroy your boundaries which enable your happiness? Absolutely NOT! If you have fear, distrust and anger towards a person that negative emotion magnifies. If you have love (for not necessarily WHAT they are doing but for the person they are)…. YOU are the winner and the person feels that love and it can even totally change the situation at hand. Anger, Fear, Distrust — those emotions keep you in that negative vibration and keep goodness from you. I am not saying don’t experience those emotions but don’t get blogged down in them — experience them and then find a way to move away from them. If someone is constantly over-stepping your personal boundaries it is time to think of action steps to rectify the situation or get yourself OUT of the situation. Yes, children NEED unconditional love no matter how unruly they may be… anger and screaming won’t get them to calm down but a hug, a calm explanation of the situation and an “I love you” just might!
Good question. Jenny
By WD Favour, October 9, 2008 @ 11:43 pm
Thanks Jenny for your comment. It’s deep and incisive…particularly your distinction between ‘unconditional love’ and ’setting boundaries.’ You seem to think that one’s reaction is entirely a function of one’s choice…and at the same time suggesting that unconditional love is needed in some circumstances…’children’. In my opinion, I’d say that in those situations where one’s boundaries are being violated, it takes courage to make the right decisions.
By Jenny Mannion, October 9, 2008 @ 11:59 pm
I think awareness is what is needed. Eckhart Tolle says it best when he talks about the “pain body”. Most of the time when you get upset about something it is your ego and pain body reacting and not you reacting in true awareness of the current situation. A spouse says something and you are not reacting to JUST that moment but rather memories of the past, things you haven’t gotten over, etc… I have gotten better at this after 2 years of study but am no where NEAR Mr. Tolle who to me seems like he lives on another planet he is so enlightened. When you begin to stop yourself BEFORE reacting it does become natural for those situations you are prepared for — there are still those that will catch you off guard and might get a reaction. I try and remember that I attract how and what I am…. I choose to emulate love and attract goodness to me. It is awareness and courage to take control over my own life and “be the author” of my destiny as the wise Tom Volkar from Delightful Work just wrote about. A last note — our reactions ARE our choice — there is no one else that could be responsible for them — it is just being aware enough to realize there is a choice to be made. Believe me I was on auto-pilot for years which is why my dis-eases manifested - to WAKE ME UP and make me listen to what I was telling myself and be aware of WHO I was on the inside not by defined roles or definitions. Thanks for talking!
By WD Favour, October 10, 2008 @ 12:18 am
Sure Jenny…it all and always boils down to those two lovely words - ‘courage’ and ‘choice’. It takes a lot of very deep awareness to realize that we are responsible for our reactions…then we can choose how to react and that places us in a place of control and freedom. We know that our rights are not actually being violated since we could choose to ‘love unconditionally’ or ‘walk away’. We feel in charge, not abused.
Thanks for your comments.
By Mary, October 10, 2008 @ 8:43 pm
Unconditional love is a two way street, of course everyone has to set boundaries. it’s a question of common sense and a healthy sense of self really
By OLINeBooks, October 10, 2008 @ 9:12 pm
Just a quick note to inform you that your article titled, ‘A New Life’ was included in the October Blog Carnival of Christian Family Information Exchange. Thank you and continue to send us your writings.
http://olinepublishing.blogspot.com/2008/10/its-that-time-again-october-blog.html
By Tom Usher, October 11, 2008 @ 6:02 am
Hello,
Here is what I know:
Full-time love-hate relationship: Unconditional and conditional
We must always remember the following that Jesus said:
If a man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:26).
And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. (Matthew 10:36).
There is, therefore, a full-time love-hate relationship concerning all such relationships. There is the hate of any family member’s iniquity and the wickedness within oneself while there is also the simultaneous love of one’s enemies (foes), even in this case within one’s household. Hate the iniquity while always loving in order to potentiate enlightenment, thereby, selling nobody short (not judging them—just witnessing to the truth).
Combine this with the understanding that one is what one does, and you begin to understand the range of beingness conflated as Godliness. This is not the typical conceptualization of unconditional love. It’s a combination of conditional and unconditional love. The conditional is relative and the unconditional is not. Both are part of the divine reality, the language of the revelation.
Hating iniquity is right. One is what one does, so hating the iniquitous is also right. That said, it must be tempered by loving the redeemable and understanding that we don’t know who is and who is not redeemable. Therefore, we hold to a standard for others which standard also allows for the forgiveness of our own sins. We avoid the hypocrisy of judging and condemning since look at how long it took us to turn toward the strait gate and how far we have yet to go on the narrow way.
God bless,
Tom Usher
By Kimberly Bock, October 11, 2008 @ 7:23 am
Unconditonal: “Not contingent; not determined or influenced by someone or something else”
An easily defined word. No expectations. Comes from, not from without.
Love: Pick a definition. There are many perspectives on love.
I am a Christian at heart, although my behaviors frequently say different. I know, for certain, that Adam was created with the ability to love before Eve came about.
This says to me that we are capable of loving, without external appeasement. A state of mind. An internal resource that regenerates sometimes more than what is dispersed.
Nurturing, care, humanity. It’s a state of being/having/giving, not of receiving.
“Love”, when misunderstood as something shared or mutually reciprocated, becomes tangible, expendable, burdensome.
“Love” as a state of mind, is freeing and unburdened by choice, emotion, or lack.
Imperfection: The reason why we are even questioning this.
By WD Favour, October 11, 2008 @ 7:49 am
Hi, Tom…Kimberly, thanks for visiting WD Favour! I’m just reflecting on how the comment section is even richer than the main article itself. But that is as intended because this subject is aimed at empowering and liberating. Thanks for the insight and depth your comments have brought to the discussion.
By Barbara Ling, October 11, 2008 @ 8:32 am
Always go into a relationship, any relationship, friendship, romance, love, you name it….with your eyes OPEN.
The other person didn’t ask you to give them your heart - it was your choice to do so.
You cannot control how others act, but you can choose how *you* REACT.
I allow myself to offer unconditional love until I see that it’s taken for granted…and then I re-evaluate the importance of the relationship to me. Such actions save me lots of angst.
Barbara
By Connie Arnold, October 11, 2008 @ 5:09 pm
Very interesting discussion! I’m not sure any of us is totally capable of completely unconditional love. The closest I can come to it is with my children and grandchildren. There are always those conditions that get in the way and affect how we feel about others. Only God/Jesus truly love unconditionally in the true and purest form.
By WD Favour, October 11, 2008 @ 5:17 pm
Hi Connie, and thanks for reminding us all of the true source of pure love.
By Robin Easton, October 11, 2008 @ 9:58 pm
I would go a step further and say that unconditional love is absolutely inclusive of setting boundaries. In fact, setting boundaries often takes great courage and is an act of Love. If someone is abusive and you say to them, “I love you but I will not be around you when you behave like this. It’s not appropriate for me.”
What you are doing is teaching the other person what is acceptable if they want to enjoy your company. Often when a child has no boundaries and the parents let them do what ever they want the child becomes very angry and rebellious because they NEED boundaries to learn what it appropriate and not. So do many adults. We begin at an early age to define our world by how others react.
If someone abuses us and we just let them do it and we NEVER tell them that it’s inappropriate or that if they don’t get help we will not be able to be around then any more, but instead we just take it then we are sending a message to them that tells them it’s okay to be abusive to us. And we are not helping that person by doing that, we are letting them stay ill, which is not an act of Love.
Setting boundaries is an essential part of unconditional love. If we set a boundary and the other person keeps stepping over it then we need to remove ourselves from their presence, BUT we can still sending loving energy to them and hold them in our hearts in a place of love.
By WD Favour, October 12, 2008 @ 12:52 am
I just can’t help agreeing with you, Robin, on this. I’ve actually taught it for years that when you define the boundaries of what is acceptable to you in a relationship, it’s a demonstration of love! Thanks for visiting and for your comments.
By Kikolani | Poetry, Photography, Blogging Tips, October 12, 2008 @ 8:56 pm
I think of unconditional love more in terms of you shouldn’t expect something in return. Not that you should have to take abuse or mistreatment of any sort. But something in the sense of taking care of someone sick. They are probably not going to be able to do anything for you in return. But you love them, and therefore, care for them unconditionally. Also, the way parents love their children unconditionally. Parents take a lot of crap from their kids, especially during their teenage years. But they still love them.
~ Kristi